“I Think I Am In Friend-Love With You” written by and illustrated by Yumi Sakugawa, published in Sadie Magazine, 2012.
Today, I ran my second marathon! Around mile 23, this volunteer was my own personal fan club and it was lovely.
On a monumental mistake
This spring I’ll be graduating college. It’s taken 5 years, three degree changes and tens of thousands of dollars in loans before I found something I’m passionate about.
I’m slowly realizing I’m not passionate about it, though. I took it because it was easy and just thought-provoking enough to let me fool myself into thinking it was challenging. I feel like I’ve made a monumental mistake and am officially at a loss for what to do with my life. Thoughts?
Yep, you’ve made a monumental mistake. You’ve wasted five years and tens of thousands of dollars chasing what you thought was passion to earn a college degree that (if you’re lucky) will buy you a shitty entry level job where you can work your ass off for another five years trying to pay down those tens of thousands of dollars before one day in your late twenties it finally dawns on you that never, not once in your life, have you ever really been passionate about anything.
Of course, that part isn’t the monumental mistake. The monumental mistake is continuing to buy into the system. It’s believing you have to be passionate about some stupid college major, or that you feel like a failure because you haven’t mapped out exactly what you want to do with your entire life at an age when you’re barely qualified to answer phones and fetch coffee.
Fuck that shit. It’s perfectly okay to be clueless and terrified. The only wrong way to handle it is to freeze up and do nothing. The good news is that it doesn’t matter what you do with your life, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter what you studied in college. Just get the fuck out there and do something.
To all those who don’t think the rape joke was a problem, or rape jokes are a problem.
I get it, you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something or connect you to doing something that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone.
And they’ve told you about triggers, and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right?
So fine. If all those arguments aren’t going anything for you, let me tell you this. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and you don’t see the harm, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person. And I genuinely believe you when you say you would never associate with a rapist and you think rape really is a very bad thing.
Because this is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down-
6% of college age men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act.
6% of Penny Arcade’s target demographic will admit to actually being rapists when asked.
A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?
They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.
If one in twenty guys is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, really cool guy, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves.
But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.
And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed?
That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.
You. The rapist’s comrade.
And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore…
Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim.
this is a powerful post, but I’m just putting it out there that it’s still super hard to callout rape jokes when the person is your friend, or isn’t straight, or isn’t cis, or is a survivor of rape. i’m putting it out there that survivors make rape jokes and that there are many survivors who identify as men, so i’d be interested in knowing how others call these loved ones out on something that is not a joke and is not okay.
You say, “rape jokes aren’t funny. Ever.”
I’ll just keep reblogging this until everyone everywhere has read it.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
This is for all those White people who think class-based affirmative action is a substitute for race-based affirmative action.
This is for all those White people who support legalizing weed, but don’t want to address racial profiling, mandatory minimum sentencing, invasive police practices, the privatization of prisons, etc.
This is for all those White feminists who think issues facing women of color and race are “divisive”.
This is for all those White gay men who think the entire LGBT movement should be all about marriage equality while largely ignoring police brutality, homelessness, employment discrimination, housing discrimination, etc.
This is for all those White liberals who think vouchers and charter schools are the answer to deep economic and racial inequalities in our education system.
This is for all those White allies who water down, silence, ignore, and erase the voices and struggles of people of color!